Conditional Love and Failure

We humans are fickle people. We are also fragile. There are sides to us we don’t allow just anyone to see or experience. We all have what many refer to as a core being. This core, this center, is really our heart (from Latin cor, meaning heart). Not literally, of course, but figuratively speaking, when we speak of one’s core or essential being, we are talking deep, emotional truths that shape us and make us what and who we are. All people everywhere have one, even if their core is shallow, immature, or taken for granted.

Some who are more introverted in nature might be a little more in tune with, and protective of, their core being than some who are extroverts, but it doesn’t really matter, because when it comes down to it, our core being, our essence, is to us, to all of us, inviolable. We will fight for and defend our core beings to the death. Anyone who dares reach out to touch our core had better have clean hands and pure intentions, because, as we all know, if someone or something unclean and impure touches our core, we suffer immeasurable emotional harm.

And so it is, for just such reasons, we set up parameters, conditions, if you will, that either allow or block access. We say to some, “You have no business here. Proceed directly to the egress”. To others we say “I do”, and marry that one person, who, more than anyone, is granted access to the core of who we are. And everyone else falls somewhere in between.

The strange thing about it all, is that, if ever things change, if ever someone previously denied access suddenly meets our conditions for core to core interactions, then we grant them a pass. Contrawise, if someone we once loved, adored, and deeply, emotionally bonded with ever fails to meet the conditions for core being access, we suddenly, even violently, i.e. with a passion, toss them as fast as possible. It’s true, isn’t it? It may take some time, and there may have to be more than one infraction, but people who were otherwise close, even intertwined with one another, in their core, can be ripped asunder when one or the other fails to keep up their end of the conditions.

God is not like this. He is different.

For us, however, the fact remains, all that we do, think, feel, act upon, and care for, is totally dependent upon conditions. Job situations, personal fellowships of whatever sort, family structures, marriages, friendships, even our paternal and maternal relationships with our children, all bow down to that one terrible, final question: Do you meet my conditions?

When the answer is no, relationships end, marriages end, friendships end, children are disowned, and all manner of heart-break (core-break) ensues.

And the fact of the matter is, when this happens often enough, we eventually isolate ourselves, our core, essential being, from everyone, even God. But when we do so, when we cut ourselves off from core to core interaction with others, something evil begins to happen to us. We become cold, ruthless hypocrites who hold everyone to standards and conditions that we ourselves cannot meet. We subconsciously tell others: You must never fail me, or fail my conditions, ever. You must be perfect in everyway, and without fault before I allow you intimate access to my heart.

Nevermind the fact that we ourselves are faulted, imperfect failures who have broken trust and loyalty with the cores of other people. Yet, it happens. And soon enough, we find in others only the capacity to fail. Nothing is good enough, no one is acceptable, none are, as the Scriptures declare, righteous enough to gain access to our core.

And so, people, desperate for our love, our affection, our attention, who NEED us in their lives and their cores, suddenly find themselves on the outside looking in, never getting to touch the center of our being, never feeling like they are good enough, wanted enough, or loved enough to be welcomed into our cores.

This teaches them that love is conditional. Loving, core-level and core-based interaction is only allowed by and through criterian. And so, the cycle repeats itself, ad nauseum.

Do you ever wonder why your relationship with God is not all that it could be, that you feel it should be? Do you ever pray and talk to the Master, and just feel empty, like you can’t connect to Him? Do you feel like you always have to go through the spiritual motions to try and get God’s attention, never feeling like you and God have truly become one the way you know the Lord wants you to?

Does your time in prayer leave you discouraged? Do you feel like a failure? Like you’re, as already mentioned, on the outside looking in at all the other spiritual people who God seems to bless and rejoice in while you yourself get only the crumbs from the children’s table?

I am telling you friend, it’s because of conditional love. Conditional love, by default, automatically breeds failure. As long as a restriction on your core is in place, you will never know true intimacy with God. It’s not because you aren’t spiritual. It’s not because you are backslidden. It’s not because of anything other than you don’t know how to accept God’s unconditional love for you. You run yourself ragged trying to do everything in your power to please God, to make Him happy, to make Him notice you, to make Him want to listen to your prayers, to get Him to accept your worship, never knowing dear, beloved saint of the most High, that you are already “the accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6).

I love you, child of God, but I will fail you. I will not meet all your conditions for core being access and interactions. But God will. You’re only on the outside looking in, because you’ve been blinded by a pre-programmed sense of having to meet God’s conditions before He will love you. Friend, HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY!

Yes, He wants us to obey, and yes there is consequences and separations because of sin. Yes, we can become carnally minded and make ten thousand mistakes a day. But you need to be persuaded of something. Death, life, angels, principalities, powers, things present, things to come, height, depth, or any creature can never separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:38-39).

You don’t have to earn credit with God. You don’t have to do anything to merit His love.

God knows we can be, have been, and will someday again be: foolish, disobedient, deceived, lustful for different sensual pleasures, malicious, envious, hateful, and hating toward one another (Titus 3:3). And yet, after all that, and worse, THE KINDNESS AND LOVE OF GOD OUR SAVIOR STILL APPEARS to save us, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but because of mercy (Titus 3:4-5). God’s mercy, which endures forever, as a symbol and aspect of God’s unconditional love, moved Him (not us) towards wanting a saving relationship with humanity.

We only, in desperation, at one time, cried out and reached up for the nail-scarred hands that were already reaching for us, not really understanding then, and perhaps even now, just how much Jesus loves us. My brothers and sisters, there is a reason why, in and with God, all things are possible (Mark 9:23). Because only unconditional love, both from God toward us, and of us toward God, can erase the things which make for failure.

The people who God uses in great, wonderous ways are not automatically more spiritual, more prayed up, or more conscientious of the need to fast. They don’t necessarily know the Word better, or have knowledge of some divine secret that allows for a super-dose level of anointing. They don’t necessarily witness more or give themselves over to greater demonstrations of worship. There is nothing extraordinarily special or better about them. God is no respector of persons, remember?

So what is it? What makes these Christians believe and do the impossible? It’s love. Unconditional, not earned, not merited, not begged for, not anything, but believed and received from their Creator love. They walk in it, talk in it, live and abide in peace with the Lord in it.

I promise you, the moment you can accept this in your life, and open your core being to the Father of Lights, and relinquish your rights to a conditional love for the Savior, you will have everything the Bible promises you: Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, a sound mind free from fear, hope, and above all, the one thing God wants most of all for you and your core being: to finally, unreservedly, wrap yourself in a total, true oneness with God, lean into His everlasting arms, and rest.

God bless you all

I love you in the Lord,



~ by votivesoul on 11/01/2012.

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Mark Showalter's Blog

Always seeking to know God more

Theo-sophical Ruminations

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